I have a heavy heart. It's been coming on for a couple months but I think I am now at my lowest. I can't seem to pull myself out of it, probably because, from what I can ascertain, there can be no resolution...or none to my satisfaction. I guess it's what happens when your world is rocked.
Matthew Chapter 7 talks about the wise man who builds his house on rock. A solid foundation. It can withstand wind and rain and floods because of the foundation. How do you really know a foundation though? Can you peek under the rock and see more rock? No, not usually. Usually you assume that the rock is present down to the core. But what can appear to be solid rock can be a facade. Sand that shifts beneath the stone that tilts one's house. Is it an aberration? Is the foundation basically solid or is there something beneath the surface that weakens the foundation? And once the house tilts, do you shore it up and hope it is a fluke? Or do you recognize that what you believed to be solid is not and move on to another location, rebuild, paying closer attention to the foundation?
Storms happen. Sometimes they're big gales. Sometimes they're smaller. Sometimes you have warning and can prepare...can lessen the damage. Sometimes they come out of nowhere and leave you bereft . I've always thought that the best way to handle the aftermath of storms is to assess the damage and fix it. When the sun shines, the roof doesn't leak. That doesn't mean the leak is gone though and without fixing the leak, you run the risk of further damage to the roof.
When the sun shines again, do storms still have power? Even just the thought of them. The damage they can cause. The rocking of your foundation. The uncertainty that you have invested so much of yourself into something that isn't as strong or worthy of your efforts. And if you can't repair the damage, isn't there always a nagging thought in the back of your head that the next storm will cause irreparable damage?
The ultimate irony? My head says it's time to move on. But when I listen to my heart it is telling me don't give up just yet. Are heads and hearts ever on the same page?
1 hour ago